DEAR DEIDRE: MY mate’s wife came on to me and it was the start of an amazing affair, but it’s ended badly. I am 41, my wife is 39 and we have two wonderful boys who are 16 and 14.
A new bloke joined my bowls club and we became mates. He is nearly 50. Over a few beers one evening he told me that him and his wife had moved because she’d had an affair with his mate.
He suggested me and my wife go out for drinks with them and I was stunned by how gorgeous his wife is. She is 40, a tall brunette, very bubbly and outgoing.
My wife hated her at first sight and only tolerated her for my sake but we met up as a foursome and went for more drinks and meals.
The more I saw her the more I thought my marriage was boring.
One night she put her hand on mine under the restaurant table. When I looked at her she winked at me. As we were leaving, she whispered, “Give me a call”. I did and we arranged to meet.
I was dizzy with excitement as I am no pin-up guy. We started meeting at her home or at mine when my wife was working. It was so exciting to be having a secret affair and the sex was great. Then my wife started saying she was suspicious.
I kept insisting nothing was going on but eventually she said she was going to tell my mate about her suspicions that we were having an affair.
I told my lover and she said that was it, we were finished. She said her husband would throw her out if he believed she was cheating again. My wife has now said she wants me to leave and to get a divorce. I now realise it is her I have always loved.
How do I convince her to start over again? Do I admit the affair and just hope she will forgive me?
DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife sensed the threat this woman posed from the off. You may have been denying anything was going on but your wife won’t have missed the fact that you were dizzy with excitement over your mate’s wife.
Don’t get into detail but say how sorry you are that your wife feels so hurt by the way you were attracted to another woman. Prepare yourself with a list of all the good things there are about your relationship and life together – from her point of view, not yours.
Focus on how much you love her, your settled home together and your sons’ emotional and financial stability (not on how convenient it is to have your washing done for you).
Insist that you can work through this crisis and rebuild trust and ask her to give you that chance. My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help.
Credits: Deidre Sanders