DEAR DEIDRE: IF I go through my contact list there are around 50 men I’ve had some sort of fling with in the 15 years I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend.
I am 33 and have been cheating on him for the past ten years.
It’s like I can’t control myself. If I see someone I like I go after them and completely lose my head.
I repeatedly end up doing this on my own doorstep. I can’t tell you the number of guys I have done stuff with in my job.
I work at the head office of a massive chain store and I have had sex with four men in the past three departments I have worked, snogged two others and I’m working on getting another guy to have an affair with me at the moment.
He’s my line manager and we spend the whole day flirting.
I am happy to take it further. He says he would, too, if he was not my manager.
I can see his point as our company is against relationships between colleagues but I have got away with my flings in the past.
He is still happy to flirt with me and get me to the stage where I can hardly keep my hands off him.
What scares me is that I become obsessed when I like a guy. I become jealous, anxious and controlling.
Yet if someone new comes along I drop the first guy and all the reactions will move on to the new guy.
I have been possessive like this since I was a kid.
I used to walk to school with a friend and would do my best to cut her off from other mates who’d ask to join us.
I know I have to change.
Five years ago I caught an STI and I couldn’t say who had given it to me because I had been sleeping around with countless men.
On paper my boyfriend is perfect.
We don’t have kids but he does everything for me and helps me out so much. He is 38.
I don’t know why I can’t be happy just with him.
Why is my head so messed up?
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s likely your desperate need to feel wanted goes way back into childhood.
We learn about adult relationships from our own parents’ behaviour, with one another and with us.
If yours were at odds or did not make you feel loved, this could be the key to your behaviour now.
Where was your dad in your life?
Flirting with your manager is only going to make you more unhappy long-term.
Try to keep your distance from him while you work on better understanding yourself.
My e-leaflet How Counselling Helps explains and I’m sending my e-leaflet Raising Self-esteem too, so you can learn to value yourself and not only see yourself as reflected in men’s eyes.
You’re clearly taking a decent man for granted but maybe he’s not the right one for you and that’s part of the problem.
Counselling can help you decide whether to work on your relationship or call it a day and make a fresh start.
Credits: Deidre Sanders